


Goldfish

by FandomsAreMyFuel



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, I call them the Ineffable Lurkers, Ineffable Lurkers, M/M, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomsAreMyFuel/pseuds/FandomsAreMyFuel
Summary: Hell was boring.They spent most of the time causing pain to other demons and most often, playing poker.Well, they said "poker" but in reality, it was definitely goldfish.
Relationships: Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens)
Kudos: 8





	Goldfish

Now, Hell was boring. One would think being Dukes of the Underworld would be tedious, all of that paperwork and evil things here-and-there. That was not the case for Ligur and Hastur. They spent most of the time causing pain to other demons and most often, playing poker.

They said "poker" but in reality, it was definitely goldfish as they lost the poker cards two or three centuries ago and were yet to snatch another one from the hands of another demon. Too bad it wasn't common a demon got poker cards. Ligur was pretty sure they were burned by the east end of Hell.

The secret was, they had a room just for them and sometimes Beezelbub joined them. But it was only the two demons in the surprisingly spaced-out room. It hadn't been dirted too bad thanks to their also secret appreciation for the room.

When they found it, it was clean and empty, unlike the rest of Hell and they had no idea where it came from. Ligur told Hastur it was probably Crowley, that flash b*stard, before he left for Earth. The blonde demon made a face and agreed.

Murky and Lurky lay on Beezelbub's stool, chatting or whatever they did. Now, no one knew who was who but they were named that. Murky... was that the frog or chameleon? Really, both demons forgot after a while.

"Are you even a demon?" Hastur asked, waving an unlit cigarette around like a dog to a bone.

"What kind of question is that?" Ligur placed another card down and realized his mistakes. "Sh*t," He muttered.

"Eh, replay the card," Hastur fiddled with the cigarette, an unconscious habit he did by Ligur as the man somewhat hated Hastur smoking.

Ligur's deep chuckles filled the room. "Watch out, some might think _you're_ not the demon here." Hastur made another face.

"Well, you fell with me, might'a well return a few favours," He answered. 

Ligur stared at Hastur's frog. "Might take a while," He stated, "Being that we fall the rest of eternity." 

"How did he say it? He didn't mean to fall," Hastur placed the cards on the table, face down. "I didn't either, but It's just that you did," He replied, poking Ligur's chameleon on the head with the cigarette head. It glared into the demon's black eyes.

Ligur paused, "Do you want my 'favour' returned?" The demon asked.

"What do you think?" Hastur leaned in, cigarette finally hanging from his mouth again, but still not lit. "You're 'te smart one here."

Ligur didn't play the card. 

The next day, the two lounged on the sofa, throwing cards at the wall nearby and letting the frog ribbit in frustration on the stool.

"'ould be weird if demons complemented each other," Hastur stated.

"Is this about Beezelbub and that Archangel again?" Ligur patted the chameleon on his head, now a fine shade of red, his eyes matching. His chameleon watched Hastur just as Ligur was. All he got was an "eh" from the other demon which he took for a yes.

" _Hell_ ," by the way the frog-bearing demon said the word, Ligur nearly died from laughter there, but, of course, he never showed it, "'oth Beez' and Crawley... _Crowley_... got an angel with 'em," Hastur narrowed his eyes. "God's playing games," He sneered.

"Well, I mean, you want one?"

"All of 'em are too posh," Hastur whined. "You hav'a chance with that... erm... Michael angel."

"I really don't want that chance, 'e's stupid." Ligur murmured the last words as he petted the chameleon again.

Hastur took another take at the demon. "Both of 'em can go up to Earth and have... I dunno... have fun, whil' we are rottin' here," Hastur kicked the stool his frog sat on and made a face. The frog just fell back asleep. "Aye!" He shouted.

"Though, his idea of the M25 was evil," Ligur said.

"Hate cars," He grumbled. Ligur didn't say anything, really because he didn't have anything to say. Before he opened his mouth, Hastur pulled out his cigarettes.

All Ligur said was, "Erm, you look nice today?"

Hastur turned to him. "Eh, you too." A deafening silence filled the room as the two demons sat next to each out. Hell was not really a place for compliments, nor were demons the creatures for them. "The... erm... orange... 'uits you." Hastur threw another card at Ligur's chameleon.

It had been another week. Beelzebub and "that Archangel" had been getting closer and closer by the second.

"Bet you next week she ain't comin' back." Hastur played a card and Ligur followed.

Ligur thought for a second. "Probabl'y true."

The two continued the card game of goldfish until they were worn out and were almost vomiting from saying "you have any goldfish?" to each other. Ligur just flicked cards with his chameleon catching some and dropping them to the ground for the second time.

"You miss being an angel?" Hastur asked.

"Thought you were the last one to ask that question," Ligur replied, "You really wanted the whole war."

"That's not happening anytime soon," Hastur grumbled.

"Yeah." Ligur then turned to the other demon, someone who would be considered his best friend if they weren't so much as demons. "I made my choice," He answered.

"For eternity," Hastur added.

"Yeah..." Ligur pulled another card out, "Got any goldfish?" Hastur groaned.


End file.
